Ah-ha! Moments

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation." (Declaration of Independence)

No, I am not talking about civil rights or the creation of The United States that suppress man. I am not talking about our government's complete control over the individual (that's for another post). I am neither talking of "The Man" in rock and roll nor the administration of my high school. I am talking about something much more insidious. I am talking about habit.

At first I wrote my idea for this blog post in math class– the ideal place for reflective literature. Among the crunched numbers grew a list comprising the life of an upper class white private schooled individual. I went through the particulars of my (and other's) habits chronologically. The list was depressing: (if it looks too long, a cursory glance will be adequate.)

           

·      Get dressed

·      Grab coffee

·      Take pills

·      Cold walk

·      Waiting

·      Anxiety about boredom

·      Highlight is laughing

·      Clock

·      Stomach growling

·      Sleepy

·      RIINNNGGG!

·      Jingle of keys

·      What now– drive home?

·      Empty house?

·      Arroyo?

·      Smoke

·      Netflix

·      Party?

·      Shower

·      Darker eye shadow

·      Address on phone

·      Blinding phone light

·      Music

·      Smoke

·      Clock

·      Car

·      Home

·      Dark house

·      Quiet house

·      Couch

·      Still in nice clothing

·      Netflix

·      2 AM

·      Sleep

·      10 AM

·      Pajamas

Surprisingly, math class inspires realism. After class there was an assembly with artists who spoke to half of the high school students, while the other half were on their phones. I always listen. One of them began to cry up on stage. I began tearing up. (Unusual for me.) She spoke of Ah-ha! Moments–the intricacies of life. She spoke of a girl in a musical who dies and is allowed to relive one day. However, despite her opportunity to choose one amazing day, she chose one similar to my list, which is to say, a day filled with mundane actions.  Within the seemingly bland habits she found beauty under the pressure of death. I cried at that statement because my life is filled with beauty too. I contain such entitlement to not even write the beauty down on the list I made less than an hour prior. Perhaps it is humanities affinity to cling to bad over good. It is also is an attitude from the product of the actions themselves. Apart from a few, they all revolve around self. This egocentric lifestyle promotes introspection of habits over creating new experiences. Introspection leads to criticism. Criticism leads to this list. What a lovely cycle we've created! After the assembly, I made a new list of Ah-ha! Moments:

·      Driving to school in the morning with the windows down and the air smells like breakfast

·      Warm breeze on your face

·      Cold water on your scalp

·      First coffee

·      Saturdays around 10 AM when the leaf blowers and dogs begin

·      Singing in the shower

·      Smoking on the roof @ night while everyone is asleep

·      Listening to loud music while driving at night with windows down

·      Sun on your back

·      The moment you lay down after a long day

·      Seeing sunlight through leaves

·      Puddles reflecting the sky after a rain

·      Hugging someone in a big sweatshirt

·      A real hug

·      Making someone laugh

·      Gut laughing

I didn't have any more room on the page.

(I understand this post is not very academic, but I felt it was important to write down.)